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Unhappy children who inherited only the shortcomings of their parents.

Problem / Need advice
#1
  • カレー
  • mail
  • 2023/08/06 02:18

I wanted to post this because I wanted to ask you all to listen to the hard feelings I have been having for many years.
I would be happy to hear from anyone who has suffered through a similar situation as I have, and how they are trying to overcome it.

I am now in my 40's and worked for many years on both marriage and job hunting to move to LA, but ultimately my wish was not granted and I recently returned home.
I believe that the main reason why my life is not going well despite my best efforts is because
I inherited my mother's bad looks, which is rare in history, and my father's temperamental personality.
Being a woman and having poor looks is a fatal disadvantage. Her mother, who is in her 70s, is not good-looking, but she graduated from a top school and a first-class national university, is very intelligent, intellectually curious, and has a good way of doing everything, and has many friends with a likable personality. After giving birth, she became a housewife, but during her working years, she earned more money than her father. Because of this, she married her father, who is relatively wealthy, well-educated, and relatively good-looking. On the other hand, my father was smart and chose women based on the wavelength of conversation and their personalities, so he did not particularly care about their looks, but he is selfish, short-tempered, and quick-tempered. I am not as well-educated as my mother, and I don't feel the same yearning for a full-time housewife like my mother, and I don't like children either, so I longed for a single life in LA where I could be carefree. Since I was not good enough to get permanent residency on my own and did not have the good looks to get a man to marry me and support my permanent residency, I had to return home.

After returning home, I have found a full-time job, but it is almost a black company and does not seem to last.
I regret that I should have studied for more qualifications when I was young so that I could get a solid job. I am currently working on my studies, which I was not able to do when I was younger, and I am angry at my parents for not communicating the importance of getting a solid job when I was younger. Part of it is that my parents' generation did not place as much importance on women's financial independence, but all of their wishful thinking about me is off.
My appearance is not at a level that can be managed with petite plastic surgery.

Those who are not in my situation will not understand my situation.
I apologize for the length of this article, but I would be happy to hear from anyone who has overcome similar circumstances.

This text has been translated by auto-translation. There may be a slight difference between the original text and the translation. (Original Language: 日本語)

#70
  • 親の悪いとこ取り
  • 2023/08/12 (Sat) 07:46
  • Report

I found a very good article.

If life is 100 years, one's 50s is the turning point. It is up to you whether you think "I am already at this age" or "I can still do my best".

7 habits that have turned my life around since I was 50
Your 50s are the second half of your life. The world you will see when you reach the age of 60 will be different between those who say, "No matter what I do now, I can see the future" and don't make any effort, and those who believe that "I may still be able to do something" and act accordingly.

"Good beliefs" and "bad beliefs"
Good beliefs have "room to grow" and can grow if you work hard.
In other words, by adopting good beliefs, life will go the way you want it to go.

（ 1 ） Praise yourself a lot
There are higher-ups in the world. If you compare yourself with others, you will inevitably focus on your own inadequacies. Instead, be "honestly pleased" with your own growth in what you have achieved.
Anyone can do this, it's no big deal. Anyone can do it, it's not a big deal," but rather, "Yay ！ I did it ！. When I can rejoice in small successes, little by little I can trust myself, and gradually I am able to take on bigger and bigger challenges.

（ 2 ） At the end of the day, write down "what I could do today" and "what was good" in a notebook and look back
at the good things. This will help you end the day with positive feelings and increase your self-esteem. You will also develop the habit of looking for good things.
If you look back on the notebook regularly, such as after one month, three months, or six months, you will gain confidence and think, "I did such a good job ！" or "I am not so bad. Once, when I was depressed because of an unexpected failure, I wrote down in a notebook what I had done in those six months and regained my confidence.

（ 3 ） Choosing a partner
If you think negatively about things, "anyway" and "but", you will tend to be reluctant to try new things. Life is long and short. I think it is important to clarify what kind of person you want to spend your finite time with.

（ 4 ） Associating with people who have the same dreams
If I want to make my current dreams and wishes come true, I try to associate with people who have similar dreams. It is to these people that I talk more and more about my " big dreams that I am " embarrassed" to talk about. I say things like, "Someday I want to do this," or "Next time I want to do something like this."
Then they will definitely say, "Great ！," and they will give you a piece of wisdom. Then it will be easier for you to give yourself permission to do it, and you will be able to take positive action.

(5) ） "Create a home" where you can always be in a good mood
・ Place houseplants
・ Keep things off the floor
・ Wash windows regularly
・ Decline regularly
・ Don't buy things just because they are cheap
・ Don't take things for free
・ Burn aroma
・ Make time for tea
・ Dispose of mail immediately
・ Do minor cleaning by yourself Do major cleaning by a professional

(6) ） Remember humility and gratitude
You are not who you are because of yourself, but because of the help of others. I think I have more smiles on my face since I started to consciously use the word "thank you."

（ 7 ） When in doubt, make a quick decision
We are constantly making small decisions from the time we wake up in the morning until we go to bed.
Narrowing down our choices prevents decision fatigue. And when I am really confused, I try to trust my intuition.
To do this, it is important to have clear criteria for your decisions. I believe that life is yaruka ・ yaranaika, only two choices, right or left, so I don't waste time goofing around and thinking. If I fail, I consider it an exercise in decision accuracy.

-Middle Way Ansan-

This text has been translated by auto-translation. There may be a slight difference between the original text and the translation. (Original Language: 日本語)

#72
  • はな
  • 2023/08/13 (Sun) 09:43
  • Report

So many replies, but no response, Nopi. Writing is not compulsory, but it is a fact that each of us writes on our own time.
Since he can leave it under such circumstances, it is a matter of humanity that he himself has cultivated.
He inherited the bad parts from his parents? That's funny.
This is the kind of person who will never get along in the real world.
All because of others? Is it the parents' fault?
Don't give me excuses like "I was in a bad mood, my phone/PC was broken, I was too busy to write".
Even if it was fishing and pi, he/she has a problem with human nature too.

This text has been translated by auto-translation. There may be a slight difference between the original text and the translation. (Original Language: 日本語)

#73
  • 人生
  • 2023/08/13 (Sun) 15:49
  • Report

Those who succeed will succeed in any situation.
Those who do not will not under any circumstances.

This text has been translated by auto-translation. There may be a slight difference between the original text and the translation. (Original Language: 日本語)

#74
  • 昭和のおとっつぁん
  • 2023/08/13 (Sun) 16:02
  • Report

If I can live every day safely and without complaint, I don't have high hopes.

This text has been translated by auto-translation. There may be a slight difference between the original text and the translation. (Original Language: 日本語)

#75

There may be some cultural differences, but it may not be much different no matter where you are located.

It works out ・ or doesn't partly by luck and timing, but so far, as far as I have seen various results, I feel that it has generally been "the result of my own actions" after living for more than half a century.

Just as the word "antithesis" is used, I think one of the ways is to try to think positively about being in the situation and try to think and act from a completely opposite point of view.

This text has been translated by auto-translation. There may be a slight difference between the original text and the translation. (Original Language: 日本語)

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