Vivinavi : Los Angeles : (United States) Los Angeles

• 不思議
• 2023/01/28 (Sat) 07:14
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What a selfish parent and child. If it were me, I wouldn't think of getting money from a mother who needs care.

If you don't get the amount of money you want, why don't you have her go into an institution ？
By the way, if you stop taking care of her, will you be able to earn 250,000 a month again ？?

• 遺産
• 2023/01/28 (Sat) 07:31
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When your mother dies, the inheritance doesn't go to you ？
Generally when you care for someone, there are exceptions, but your parents will eventually give the house, insurance, and other things to the person you care for.
If there is a large inheritance, the siblings may split it up as well.

• 昭和のおとっつぁん
• 2023/01/28 (Sat) 07:54
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It seems that when your mother dies, there will be people who will go after your inheritance.

• ゆみ
• 2023/01/28 (Sat) 08:39
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Your mother pays for long-term care insurance, so why don't you hire a home helper? It will reduce your burden.
You can do your own work too, caregiving is a long term game
Please do your best and don't keep it to yourself.

• どこも同じ
• 2023/01/28 (Sat) 12:14
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Caregiving cannot be overcome by in-laws alone.

If your mother can financially afford it, why not ask her to take care of you and put your own life first ？
I would like to make it clear that I would be willing to take care of my parents if they would leave me a legacy, but it is hard to have a conversation with someone of an age who is desperate for care. But it is difficult to have a conversation with someone who is at an age where they are desperate to take care of their parents.
Family care is complicated. It may be better if you don't have a sibling.

And if you live too long, you may be left with only a few sparrows, or even not enough if you are not very good. I think it is better not to expect your parents to take care of you, put yourself first and foremost, and if you can afford it, take care of them without asking for anything in return.

There are plenty of parents who take it for granted that because they are daughters they should take care of their parents for free. In fact, I think it is hell to take care of family members who can't afford it. Moreover, nowadays everyone is having a hard time because of the rising cost of living all over the world.

People who are at an age where they are desperate for care are big babies, and it is faster to act without asking for understanding. I don't think this is a story to be approved.

Perhaps the reason there is no way out is that you are somewhat halfway through the relationship if you can get your parents' inheritance. If you can't afford it, I think it's time to figure out what is possible rather than what you want to do.

• ???
• 2023/01/28 (Sat) 16:06
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Can't you go back to your old job, which used to be so rewarding?
If your mother has assets, why don't you hire someone and live your own life?

• まぁまぁ
• 2023/01/28 (Sat) 16:52
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I don't think the Lord is wrong
full time job as a caregiver

your mind must be flying
all kinds of thoughts

take your time and talk about it with your parents
it's important!

• うむ
• 2023/01/28 (Sat) 17:49
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That is not good for the mother. Perhaps the dementia has started and she does not understand well. You might want to talk to a lawyer here to see if you can manage your mother's personal property. I hear that many bad guys are after the elderly people's money, so please be careful.

• おっさん
• 2023/01/28 (Sat) 18:44
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You want to get 150,000 yen a month as salary ？ from your parents ？ Wow!

• G
• 2023/01/28 (Sat) 19:07
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My mother doesn't want to be in a nursing home and she doesn't want to be in someone else's care.
That is where I have a problem.
My mother has never worked, but she rounds up a lot of money for me.
So I am thinking of getting my own 150,000 a month and paying for food and expenses from that.

In fact, my sister and I received some money as a living gift, but I have not touched it because I will use it for my own retirement.
My sister is married with children, but she is still begging for this 10 pension from my parents, so I think it is reasonable that she should get 150,000
since I will be taking care of my mother in the future. Otherwise, I don't need the money every month, so if you can put the house in my name
that's a different story.

Should I ask a financial planner or a lawyer about these things?

• 自分の老後
• 2023/01/28 (Sat) 21:18
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I want to die without bothering my kids.

• 優先
• 2023/01/28 (Sat) 21:22
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Mr. G, you are right. You should talk to your mother and ask her to give you the house or 150,000. If your mother doesn't give it some thought, she might ask for half of the money now that her sister has passed away.

• 恩返し
• 2023/01/28 (Sat) 21:30
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How many years, 20 years ？ ？ have you lived on your parents' money ？ before you entered the workforce?

• 優先
• 2023/01/28 (Sat) 23:03
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You talk so highly of yourself, but what are you doing ？
If you can't get a job because of nursing care, you will be lost in a rage if you don't have enough money to finish caring for them. Why do you live ？ welfare ？ parents should think about not bothering their children until the end. You can give them assets if they take care of you.
Mr. G says that his parents gave him a gift before his death, so his mother thinks it's a good idea ？ too.

• みーちゃん
• 2023/01/29 (Sun) 03:17
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> My mother received her inheritance from my father and has plenty of money. But she doesn't want to go into a nursing home.

In the end, I think ↑ is all that matters.
If your mother can afford it, have her go into a nursing home. If she is that dissatisfied, she can refuse care.

• 昭和のおとっつぁん
• 2023/01/29 (Sun) 07:12
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My mother received her inheritance from my father and has plenty of money, so she should hire a helper.

• イヤだな
• 2023/01/29 (Sun) 07:38
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When I read things like this, I really don't want to be a caregiver. Even my own parents are disgusted with me. I want to pass away without bothering my children.

• ？？
• 2023/01/29 (Sun) 08:35
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＞ My mother has never worked, yet she rounds up my mother and receives large sums of money from her.

I don't understand this sentence. Am I not reading comprehension?

• 大変だね
• 2023/01/29 (Sun) 09:15
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My sister is~ you know ？
Your sister must be to the point. I can't believe she's been getting money from your mother all these years, even though she's married. You are entitled to it since you are the one taking care of her. Why don't you talk to your ward office ？ I'm sure they can advise you.

• その通りだと思います
• 2023/01/29 (Sun) 11:44
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Yes.
You will lose money if you are stupid and honest.

You'll do better in life if you're to the point than if you're smart.

• ？？
• 2023/01/29 (Sun) 17:45
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I think he feels that because the second daughter is ripping off money like that, it has made him wary ？
Now he feels that the eldest daughter has come to him with money, money, money.
For the old man, he feels that money is the only thing he can count on.
Topy is also worried about his own old age.
If your mother can afford it, let her do what she wants,
and Topi can go back to work for her own retirement ？
one of you might break.

• ぽっくり
• 2023/01/29 (Sun) 20:37
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I'd like to go out on a limb at about 80.

• 人生80年
• 2023/01/29 (Sun) 21:02
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I eat bad food, eat poorly, smoke cigarettes, and drink deeply.
Living every day doing what you like and getting 80 pts.

No heart attack, no nursing care, no complaining old man whose body doesn't listen to him, no bedridden old man with little consciousness and only prolonging his life.
Euthanasia is a possibility.

• 肺がん肝臓がん
• 2023/01/29 (Sun) 23:10
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If you smoke and drink heavily, you'll have a very painful and agonizing last year, not a pockmarked one.

• 大変だね
• 2023/01/30 (Mon) 15:35
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Topi would like to save 100,000 yen for the future. But with her current part-time job, she can't do that. It won't cost you money for house and food, but you won't have any free money ？ You can't ask your parents to give you an allowance, so you'll have to ask them to give you money to take care of her. Since working full time has taken a toll on your body, you will have to get money for your current part time job and your mother's care. Since your mother doesn't want to go into a senior home, you have to pay her to come back from the U.S. to take care of you. Since she gave up her career in the U.S. to do what her mother wanted, I think she deserves to have the house and food paid for by her mother. I think it's great that he's not just counting on his mother's money, he's not playing with it, and he wants to work as much as he can.

• Peanut
• 2023/01/30 (Mon) 16:43
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Almond, why are you paying rent to your parents ？ Not if your parents are poor and they let you live there. If they hire a caregiver, they don't get rent even if they eat, sleep at night, and live there. Sometimes you get free because you live there, but not if you are a caregiver.
You are so weird.

• カエルの子はカエル
• 2023/01/31 (Tue) 06:59
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I am so glad my mother is my mother.

• ホンマそれ
• 2023/02/01 (Wed) 12:59
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> I am so glad that my mother is my mother

It comes down to this. My parents are not wealthy, but when my son goes back to his hometown, they spend more money than usual on delicious fish and meat, and take us to various places. If I tried to give him an allowance, he would not accept it, telling me to spend it on my grandchildren. I left the allowance at my parents' house on the day I left Japan, but they were surprised and thanked me later.

I think there are many kinds of families.

• 大変だね
• 2023/02/01 (Wed) 13:35
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That was while my mother was still able to move around a lot.
She must have taken pity on me as a single mom in a foreign country, and even gave me an allowance for my flight home. When I finally had enough money after raising my children, I started to give my mother an allowance. I give it to her when I go to Corona, and I send her money since I haven't been able to go to Corona for the past three years. She has a pension, but she would be happy to receive an allowance from her daughter. I do as much as I can. But if my mother could still afford it and I went home to take care of her, she would say it was for her care. The reality is that my siblings live with me, so that won't happen.

• yokko
• 2023/02/02 (Thu) 01:34
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I think the bottom line is that it depends on how much your mother needed or wanted you.
Was she in a state where she needed you to come home, or
did she suggest that if you came home, she wouldn't have to pay for rent or food, and you would benefit
if you came home?

It depends on how much care you need.
It also depends on how much you didn't want to go back to Japan.
If you hated it so much that you decided to return just to take care of your mother,
she should be very grateful for that, and you can express that with money.
Your mother has completely derailed your plans for your life.

Some people may say that it's okay because she can get it from your estate, but
if she really was a very hard caregiver and returned home just to take care of you,
I think it makes sense that you should get the equivalent money every month now.
And since your mother is not in need of money,
it is not right to make her work for free.
For example, how much would it cost per month to hire a live-in housekeeper?
I think you should get that amount.

But if the nursing condition is not too bad and you have a lot of free time and
go out for fun, maybe your mother thinks that
rent and food are enough.
Maybe your mother thinks that living together saves money and is a win-win situation.

In any case, it is sad.
I also cared for my parents for a while.
In our case, I was the youngest child and had two older brothers, and since I had emigrated overseas,
it was decided before my death that much of my property would be given to my brothers.
I was surprised when they asked me to come back to take care of them.
My parents hated my brothers' wives.
And they were afraid that if I tried to return, my brothers would take their inheritance.
My brothers tried to persuade me not to return in various ways.
It causes strange friction between brothers and sisters.

It is really sad to think about it now.

• 光陰矢の如し
• 2023/02/02 (Thu) 09:20
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You only get one shot at this in your life. I can't be filial anymore after they are gone. I don't want to have regrets.

• 大袈裟
• 2023/02/02 (Thu) 21:26
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We're all going to die someday.

• dobon
• 2023/02/03 (Fri) 00:30
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Choumon no yo ！

• はい？
• 2023/02/03 (Fri) 01:50
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#43 To each his own. Then don't read it.

• 義理
• 2023/02/03 (Fri) 06:31
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People who write long sentences want to teach and want to be good
In the end, the love between parents and children ends up being about money
How much you get, so you don't care; how much you get, so you care.

• まぁまぁ
• 2023/02/03 (Fri) 12:42
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I'm not trying to be a long-winded person, since I'm spending my time on this. There are good and bad cases for both wanting to tell me and wanting to tell me. It's a good way to kill time if you're not busy, and if you don't like it, just scroll down a bit. I don't think long sentences of slander are a good thing, though.

• おい
• 2023/02/03 (Fri) 22:28
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I don't see the topix, but what's going on ？.

• ずれ
• 2023/02/04 (Sat) 09:56
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You're not talking about the main story, you're talking about the people who wrestle with it.

• pooske
• 2023/02/18 (Sat) 14:19
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Humans, by nature, make the mistake of relying on others. It is the same with parents and children. You wipe your own ass by yourself.
If you have money, go into an institution or hire someone. Then you can spend all your money. If you leave it behind, the children won't appreciate it, because they take it for granted.
The best thing you can do is to think about your own retirement rather than your parents. No one will take care of you.

• Orange
• mail
• 2023/06/10 (Sat) 21:06
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• Delete

全然おかしくありません。だったら、お母さまはあなた様に生活費もわたさず仕事もやめさせてどうなってもらいたいんですかね？お母さまとの関係が良かったのか悪かったのか知りませんが、施設に入らないのなら私はアメリカに帰りますでいいと思います。

• 子供
• 2023/06/11 (Sun) 17:43
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You can't count on American-born children.
Is it the same in Japan?
It is natural for parents to receive money
without compensation.
But why take care of them ？
In their old age, they will go to a facility or hire a care giver and use up all their assets
They will only be left with what they need for the final cleanup.

• 子供
• 2023/06/11 (Sun) 17:45
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If you take care of Tobi, your mother will have to leave you enough assets to get you on welfare.

• 自己判断
• 2023/06/11 (Sun) 18:21
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yokko
is just giving advice based on her own experience and thoughts. Everyone is different.
the way of family, finances, values
what you do for free is a kindness repayment that children do to their parents.
Regardless of whether you get paid or not, but as a practical matter, if taking care of your parents makes your own future life difficult, it would be impossible.

It's not about getting or paying because of this situation.

• Darksouls
• 2023/06/13 (Tue) 13:18
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I'm sure there are many cases of suicide due to caregiver exhaustion. "I'm here because I'm looking for some good advice from someone " who is taking care of my parents, but sometimes I get annoyed by useless people who are not involved in my parents' care at all.
My parents are also elderly, and moreover, my father recently found out that he has terminal cancer and temporarily returned home, leaving my mother alone after applying for long-term care insurance while my father was in the hospital. My father has moved to home care
and is still doing well, but I am worried about him and plan to return to Japan temporarily in November to help with his care. So, I am not yet a caregiver, but I will be in the future. Please reply to me as I am very curious to know how you are doing at the moment.

• ルーシールーシー
• 2023/06/17 (Sat) 03:45
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I know I'm late to the party, but I think Topy's point is obvious.
However, I think it is difficult to get your mother's consent.

I am in the same situation as you, my mother lives alone in Japan and has been occasionally taken care of by a nearby relative （ my cousin ）, but due to the progress of her dementia, she started having auditory hallucinations and my relative encouraged her to move in with him, retire from her job and move in with her family. I retired from my job, left my family in the U.S., and started living with my mother by myself. My mother not only does not want to move into a facility for the elderly, she also does not want to go to day care, and recently she does not want to go to the hospital and is a stay-at-home mom. I am in a financially sound situation, but my mother's dementia is gradually progressing, so the emotional burden of living with her is very heavy.
We have been living together for a little over five years, and I am considering separating from my mother in another five years, whether she moves into a facility or not. I think it would be good for you to think about your own life first and then do what you can for your mother.

• happy_LA
• 2023/06/21 (Wed) 20:15
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Thank you very much for your time. It seems that you have everything you need to live while your mother is alive, but if she should die, her assets will be inherited by her daughter, and with her pension, will it be difficult for her to live on her own?