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Unhappy children who inherited only the shortcomings of their parents.

Problem / Need advice
#1
  • カレー
  • mail
  • 2023/08/06 02:18

I wanted to post this because I wanted to ask you all to listen to the hard feelings I have been having for many years.
I would be happy to hear from anyone who has suffered through a similar situation as I have, and how they are trying to overcome it.

I am now in my 40's and worked for many years on both marriage and job hunting to move to LA, but ultimately my wish was not granted and I recently returned home.
I believe that the main reason why my life is not going well despite my best efforts is because
I inherited my mother's bad looks, which is rare in history, and my father's temperamental personality.
Being a woman and having poor looks is a fatal disadvantage. Her mother, who is in her 70s, is not good-looking, but she graduated from a top school and a first-class national university, is very intelligent, intellectually curious, and has a good way of doing everything, and has many friends with a likable personality. After giving birth, she became a housewife, but during her working years, she earned more money than her father. Because of this, she married her father, who is relatively wealthy, well-educated, and relatively good-looking. On the other hand, my father was smart and chose women based on the wavelength of conversation and their personalities, so he did not particularly care about their looks, but he is selfish, short-tempered, and quick-tempered. I am not as well-educated as my mother, and I don't feel the same yearning for a full-time housewife like my mother, and I don't like children either, so I longed for a single life in LA where I could be carefree. Since I was not good enough to get permanent residency on my own and did not have the good looks to get a man to marry me and support my permanent residency, I had to return home.

After returning home, I have found a full-time job, but it is almost a black company and does not seem to last.
I regret that I should have studied for more qualifications when I was young so that I could get a solid job. I am currently working on my studies, which I was not able to do when I was younger, and I am angry at my parents for not communicating the importance of getting a solid job when I was younger. Part of it is that my parents' generation did not place as much importance on women's financial independence, but all of their wishful thinking about me is off.
My appearance is not at a level that can be managed with petite plastic surgery.

Those who are not in my situation will not understand my situation.
I apologize for the length of this article, but I would be happy to hear from anyone who has overcome similar circumstances.

This text has been translated by auto-translation. There may be a slight difference between the original text and the translation. (Original Language: 日本語)

#82
  • 72と77
  • 2023/08/14 (Mon) 21:30
  • Report

I understand what you say, 72, but who can reply ？
I think it would make sense if you read 77's opinion.
Replies are not mandatory.
Especially in the exchange forum

where incomprehensive words and scolding from others can pierce the heart like a deadly weapon for the weak of heart.

This text has been translated by auto-translation. There may be a slight difference between the original text and the translation. (Original Language: 日本語)

#84
  • カレー
  • 2023/08/15 (Tue) 01:15
  • Report

Right after I posted, I thought my post was not published because it was erased several times.
（ I live in Japan, but I still check Vivinavi regularly as I am not yet ready for LA life. ）
I apologize for not replying to you. For me, messages from those of you who have realized your life's dream and are living in LA, including criticism, resonate with me more than anyone else.
I have received appropriate advice, but it is not something I can reply to casually, and I need
days to report that the problem has been solved, so I would like to hasten to express my deep appreciation for the messages, including criticism, from so many of you.

I found it comforting to hear about people who are not good looking but are getting married because of their looks, which are desirable by American standards;
I found it comforting to hear about people who are not good looking but have good character, and are blessed with a good marriage and fulfilling lives;
I am feeling hopeless, and it was a comfort to me.

In my case, whether it was a matter of appearance, personality, or luck, I could not succeed in obtaining permanent residence through marriage.
I thought I had prepared before coming to the U.S., but I was not able to succeed in obtaining permanent residency through employment because of my work and lack of ability.

My parents （ especially my mother ） gave me enough love, psychologically, by worldly standards.
However, the purpose of raising a child was not only to send her to college, but also to guide her to be able to stand on her own and live independently
even if she was a woman.
When I was young, I was good at English by Japanese standards and had a certain level of education, so I took advantage of being treated well and did not make any effort to improve my skills
. As a result, I became an empty middle-aged man.

Furthermore, my mother knew from my early elementary school years that I was actually not very smart, and at that time in Japan, people who could speak English were highly valued, so
she thought that even if I was a little stupid, I could get a job in Japan to some extent if I could speak English.
So, even though I am a national university graduate, I have never been told to aim for a national university.
Moreover, I never thought about the importance of finding a job, so I chose my major by a process of elimination and did not study well in college.
Perhaps this is unthinkable by American standards.

I am angry about the bad looks I inherited from my mother, but I am not considering plastic surgery.
I am not bothering people with my bad appearance, and unlike the past, nowadays women are allowed to live alone,
so I don't think I need to force myself to change my appearance to one that men will like. I think that a mother who is too bad looking usually had an unfavorable life, but she had an excellent brain backed by a high education, earned more than her father despite the era of male domination, had a good personality that people liked and she was exceptionally well liked by her father and had an above average without any particular difficulties. I think he was able to lead an above average life.

The hard part is that he is unlucky to have inherited only his mother's bad looks and none of her smarts backed by her high education.
Also, he cannot help but cure his temperamental and snappy personality, which is similar to his father's.
Being a beauty of character is a very difficult subject.
Also, I am trying my best, but sometimes I feel that if I were in my thirties, I would have more time to acquire more skills and
have a better job and have a more stable life.

However, I feel a little better now that you LA residents have asked me what I couldn't say to others before. Thank you to those who told me that my temper can be cured, and to those who encouraged me through private messages. I will try to accept my painful fate and try a little harder.
My dream is to return to LA someday.

This text has been translated by auto-translation. There may be a slight difference between the original text and the translation. (Original Language: 日本語)

#85
  • 昭和のおとっつぁん
  • 2023/08/15 (Tue) 08:02
  • Report

I live in Japan, but if you're not ready for LA life
you're just going to get lost
so make a fresh start and cut the back hair.

This text has been translated by auto-translation. There may be a slight difference between the original text and the translation. (Original Language: 日本語)

#86
  • 昭和のおとっつぁん。
  • 2023/08/15 (Tue) 09:05
  • Report

＞ I could not succeed to get permanent residence through marriage.

You say this as if it is a matter of course, but I know ？ this is what incompetent people like Mr. Japayuki from the Philippines do in Japan
well, there are many Japanese women who did the same thing over here and it made it hard to get visa. Well, there are a lot of Japanese women who did the same thing over here.

This text has been translated by auto-translation. There may be a slight difference between the original text and the translation. (Original Language: 日本語)

#87
  • hello-
  • 2023/08/15 (Tue) 09:19
  • Report

I think that as you get older, a woman with beautiful skin and tastes will come in handy.　Don't be discouraged and do your best in everything with sincerity. I think there are people who are watching you. I will try to get a job at a company that will allow me to return to the U.S. Hurry up and do it.

This text has been translated by auto-translation. There may be a slight difference between the original text and the translation. (Original Language: 日本語)

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